The email below is from a Japanese woman, continuing education student, at a university in Tokyo. The question was, "Why is Japan a paradise for American men?"Hi Ansel, I thought about the reason that Japan is paradise for American men. It's not only American but also for western men. I used to want to marry to a foreigner when I was around twenty. Here are the reasons that I wanted to marry foreigner. I guess many Japanese girls just like me. Even they only want to date. 1. Having American boyfriend is the easiest way to improve my English.2. International marriage or having American boyfriend sounds cool. 3. I was disappointed in Japanese men. 4. I wanted to have different life from my friends. 5. I dreamed about living abroad rest of my life. I don’t know why I dreamed about it, because I didn’t have any American friends.
Of course, I didn’t know what American think and feel. However, I had ideas of American men that I got from movies. 1. They seem to love their family more than Japanese men do. a) Because Japanese men never say I love you. b) Japanese work over time everyday so they don’t enough time to spend time with their family. 2. They are assertive, Japanese men aren’t. a) I hate a man that acts like girls. 3. They are much better looking than Japanese. 4. They are tough guy but Japanese men look weak. Finally, I realized that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence. Seeing Japanese men is very comfortable and they are also sweet! Have a good night. H.T. Her email mirrors the sentiment of many Japanese women and perhaps even most Japanese women at some point in their lives.
The love affair with the American movie star image of a tall Caucasian man, with blond hair and blue eyes, is the fresh off the plane, at Narita airport, an American man’s ticket for easy sex with many Japanese women. It’s quite laughable to see, as many of the American males of the mixed couples I’ve seen would be considered average or below in the States. But, in Japan they are near gods, and for at least a moment in time, the Japanese girl has her white man, her status symbol, much like her Louis Vuitton handbag, and the American man has his Japanese subservient woman and sex slave. What Japanese men should do is take the good. Spend more time with your family, wife or girlfriend. Remember, if you die, your employer will have your positioned filled quickly, your boss doesn’t love you, he may need you, but he doesn’t love you, you can be replaced. Women need to be assured that they’re loved, they need to hear the words. If you do love her say, “I love you.” sometimes, you won’t die. Realize that the world of your fathers is changing and leave the bad and the ugly.
For starters, Japanese advertising agencies should stop marketing white people generally and white men particularly as being so cool. From the eikaiwa industry to new home sales white men and their pearly white teeth are everywhere for the Japanese woman to long for wistfully. The population of white foreigners in Japan is so small there’s no logical reason for such media prominence. Even some Japanese men think American men are cool how stupid! Who can blame a Japanese woman for wanting a white man when even Japanese men think they are cool. Be more assertive, take chances, there is no reward without risk. The same is true in business, there would be no great Japanese corporations if no one had risked. A woman once told me, “Japanese men don’t say they’re sorry.” Don’t let pride get in the way of being wrong. Being wrong is not the end of the world and saying you’re sorry opens the doors to forgetfulness and forgiveness much faster. Learn to say you are sorry. While sitting at dinner with a young Japanese couple the man said, “It’s one thing to catch a fish, you still have to feed it.” I was clueless as to what he meant. He said in a relationship the man has to continue to care for the woman once he has her. I would add that a man has to feed her not only what keeps her alive, but also what makes her happy. Just as human beings nourishment needs are different from that of a fish, so are a man’s needs different from a woman’s. Realizing, discovering and serving these needs make for a great relationship.