The ULTIMATE Resource for Tips on Dating Japanese Girls | 1001Kisses.com

Are you feeling worn out, run down, tapped out, and exhausted? Are you up late sending text messages, e-mails, and constantly running around to meet up with the new Japanese woman in your life? If you get the feeling that you’re trying too hard – that the Japanese woman you’re dating is taking too much of your time and energy, you are probably right.

 This might not be a bad thing, but if you’re feeling overextended in the name of love, it is often a sign of something you need to change before it becomes a habit. Or worse – before it becomes something that she expects, and when it stops, she is no longer interested in you.

 It happens to foreign guys all the time in Japan. Here, average foreign guys who got little or no attention from women in their home country get lots of attention from not-so-special Japanese girls. Foreign guys in Japan become like little puppies in the arms of their new Japanese female admirers, and when the Japanese girls get bored with the attention or the attention stops, the foreign guys get dumped.

At the beginning of a relationship, people are usually excited and insecure, all at the same time. The amount of each of these feelings will be based on how attracted you are to the person you are dating – if you’re really attracted to a woman who you feel is “out of your league,” you might feel really excited and really insecure!

These feelings are perfectly natural but they can work against you. If you are head over heels over the new girl you are seeing there are a lot of mistakes you might make. What if you push too hard and scare her away? Japanese women tend to be more emotionally fragile than Western women – they tend to get intimidated by certain styles of communication or certain approaches that wouldn’t be a problem in the West. Japanese women are not like the characters in “Sex and the City” – they tend to be less savvy about relationships and sometimes a bit naïve about the realities of dating.

 If you date a lot of Japanese girls, you are going to learn to quickly recognize the ones that take too much time. Men need to walk a fine line – if you’re too “soft” you’ll treat Japanese women with too much politeness – she’ll think you’re a fine gentleman, but she won’t take you seriously as a potential lover. On the other hand, if you come on too strong, she’s going to think you’re an obsessed stalker.

 Guys, if you are trying too hard, the woman is going to feel uncomfortable – women can always tell if you’re trying too hard! Instead of finding you attractive, she will probably end up feeling a little sorry for you – and pity is not sexy. If you fall into this category of “uncomfortable/pity,” you might find that your e-mail messages will not be returned and your phone calls will not be answered. Japanese girls are really bad about saying, “Goodbye” or breaking up with a guy – Japanese culture is all about avoiding conflict and hurt feelings. So instead of telling you where you stand, they just stop all communication. There are few things that will destroy a potential relationship quicker than a woman’s feelings of awkwardness, discomfort and pity. 

 So if you’re on the verge of trying too hard, how long should you stick it out? That's up to you to decide, but chances are, there is not going to be a lot of wiggle room once a Japanese woman has started to feel pity for you. Pity is the point of no return!

 If things are going smoothly otherwise, but you sense that you are pushing yourself too hard to impress her, stop now! If she still seems nervous when you’re together, that is a sign that she really likes you, and there might still be hope for the relationship. (On the other hand, if she seems bored with you – checking her cell phone all the time while the two of you are on a date – or if she seems overly familiar with you, treating you like a pet, these might be signs that she feels pity for you and is no longer taking you seriously as a sex partner.)

But as long as you’re not in the “pity zone,” you still have a chance. You both need to be attracted to each other, so go out a few more times and see if she gets more comfortable with you. It is important that both of you can be yourselves early on in the relationship. Nobody wants to date someone that turns into a different person after four or five dates.

The important thing to remember is while you do not want to be too “hard” in your approach, you do want to find a Japanese woman that will treat you with respect, and be kind and thoughtful. If the girl really likes you, and you can relax and be yourself, you can offer her the world and it will seem genuine. But if you are having a hard time accepting yourself, and believing in yourself, you will feel the pressure of trying too hard to impress her.

 The woman you are dating should treat you well because she cares about you and wants to have a relationship with you, not because she wants the benefits that you provide as an English speaker. Being a “novelty” with Japanese women can be fun at first, but the feeling wears off pretty quickly. Try to create “real” relationships with Japanese women that are based on more than your foreign passport – and don’t try too hard. Ironically enough, trying to impress a woman will often just make her feel sorry for you.

 Have you ever found yourself in the “pity zone” with a Japanese woman?

 How did it happen? Were you able to recover, or was the relationship over?

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