1001 Butterfly Kisses

To Japanese Men: Take the Good, Leave the Bad and the Ugly

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 23:03:39 GMT

The email below is from a Japanese woman, continuing education student, at a university in Tokyo. The question was, “Why is Japan a paradise for American men?” Hi Ansel, I thought about the reason that Japan is paradise for American men. It’s not only American but also for western men. I used to want to marry to a foreigner when I was around twenty. Here are the reasons that I wanted to marry foreigner. I guess many Japanese girls just like me. Even they only want to date. 1. Having American boyfriend is the easiest way to improve my English. 2. International marriage or having American boyfriend sounds cool. 3. I was disappointed in Japanese men. 4. I wanted to have different life from my friends. 5. I dreamed about living abroad rest of my life. I don’t know why I dreamed about it, because I didn’t have any American friends. Of course, I didn’t know what American think and feel. However, I had ideas of American men that I got from movies. 1. They seem to love their family more than Japanese men do. a) Because Japanese men never say I love you. b) Japanese work over time everyday so they don’t enough time to spend time with their family. 2. They are assertive, Japanese men aren’t. a) I hate a man that acts like girls. 3. They are much better looking than Japanese. 4. They are tough guy but Japanese men look weak. Finally, I realized that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence. Seeing Japanese men is very comfortable and they are also sweet! Have a good night. H.T. Her email mirrors the sentiment of many Japanese women and perhaps even most Japanese women at some point in their lives. The love affair with the American movie star image of a tall Caucasian man, with blond hair and blue eyes, is the fresh off the plane, at Narita airport, American man’s ticket for easy sex with many Japanese women. It’s quite laughable to see, as many of the American males of the mixed couples I’ve seen would be considered average or below in the States. But, in Japan they are near gods, and for at least a moment in time, the Japanese girl has her ‘white man’, her status symbol, much like her Louis Vuitton handbag, and the American man has his Japanese ‘subservient’ woman and sex slave. What Japanese men should do is take the good. Spend more time with your family, wife or girlfriend. Remember, if you die, your employer will have your positioned filled quickly, your boss doesn’t love you, he may need you, but he doesn’t love you, you can be replaced. Women need to be assured that they’re loved, they need to hear the words. If you do love her say, “I love you.” sometimes, you won’t die. Realize that the world of your fathers is changing and leave the bad and the ugly. For starters, Japanese advertising agencies should stop marketing white people generally and white men particularly as being ‘so cool’. From the eikaiwa industry to new home sales white men and their pearly white teeth are everywhere for the Japanese woman to long for wistfully. The population of white foreigners in Japan is so small there’s no logical reason for such media prominence. Even some Japanese men think American men are cool – how stupid! Who can blame a Japanese woman for wanting a white man when even Japanese men think they are cool. Be more assertive, take chances, there is no reward without risk. The same is true in business, there would be no great Japanese corporations if no one hadn’t risked. A woman once told me, “Japanese men don’t say they’re sorry.” Don’t let pride get in the way of being wrong. Being wrong is not the end of the world and saying you’re sorry opens the doors to forgetfulness and forgiveness much faster. Learn to say you are sorry. While sitting at dinner with a young Japanese couple the man said, “It’s one thing to catch a fish, you still have to feed it.” I was clueless as to what he meant. He said in a relationship the man has to continue to care for the woman once he has her. I would add that a man has to feed her not only what keeps her alive, but also what makes her happy. Just as human beings nourishment needs are different from that of a fish, so are a man’s needs different from a woman’s. Realizing, discovering and serving these needs make for a great relationship. Would you like to create more love in your life? Do you have questions about your partner and love? Do you need someone to listen to you? Do you want a better relationship? Would you like to create a plan so you can meet your life’s partner? Contact me for individual (private) or group discussions with your personal group of friends or your professional organization. contact anSel

Who is the Professional Sex worker?

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 19:47:25 GMT

==================================================== Who is the Professional Sex worker? © Ansel Simpson - All rights reserved http://www.1001kisses.com ==================================================== In America, women put their nose up at women who work in the sex industry as prostitutes, call girls, or adult video actresses. There may be a couple reasons for this attitude, one is that American women generally feel that they should expect or require sexual satisfaction from the men with whom they have sex. So men that use prostitutes, call girls, or frequently watch adult videos are generally considered losers and so are the women that service them. Generally, professional sex workers don’t expect to have pleasurable sex. The other reason that women in the sex business may be looked down upon is that women feel that selling sex to earn money take little talent or skill and it’s a lazy way to make money. A similar sentiment may be mirrored in Japan. As a Japanese woman do you think you are ‘better’ than the professional girls that have sex for money? Or better than a sex doll? Those women(or dolls) don’t expect pleasure either – they are paid to open their legs, please their clients and to act pleased. But with the money they earn ,they can shop, dine, and travel as they please. The exception being the doll which the man can put in the closet. “But I am different! I don’t accept money!” Really? Every time you accept a gift, go to dinner, go on a trip, but, have unsatisfactory sex, you are being paid, exactly the same as the professional sex worker. As a wife, you have the added tasks of caring for his children and his house while you salary includes being able to eat the food that he pays for and living rent free in his house. Those are the facts for many Japanese households, so when the man adds a girlfriend to his life or ‘requires’ sex of you what complaint can you have? Actually, there can be no complaint. There is a saying, “He who makes the money makes the rules.” Unlike American women there’s a great possibility that you don’t know the pure feeling of relaxation and pleasure that great sex can bring. This feeling can help you to forget the stresses of the day, your irritating boss or a careless colleague. How many times have you experienced this deep sense of sexual bliss? Most of the time that you’ve had sex or made love? Probably not, if one believes the statistics reported on Japan’s sex life. Thus the comparison of the professional sex worker to many Japanese women, neither expect pleasure, but one group is compensated better. When your boyfriend or husband has sex with you and you haven’t been physically pleased to the point of orgasm, does he ‘love’ you? I was recently shocked to hear a woman say that she didn’t particularly enjoy sex, but the man she’s with loves her! Frankly, he could be just as physically content with masturbating! Except that with masturbation he doesn’t have the warmth of another body. If a man loves you, he should seek out your sexual pleasure before his own. Remember, sex dolls and women in the sex business don’t require love or pleasure. Perhaps for that lack of male sensitivity to women Japan is at the forefront of sex doll technology. The realism of the sex dolls if frightening. The fact that there is a market for this product indicates that many Japanese men are perfectly satisfied with and quite possibly would prefer to selfishly please themselves. What a disturbing trend that men are turning to inanimate objects to satisfy their sexual desires. Though looked down upon, there seems to be a paradox, the professional sex worker may have the best world. If she happens upon a good lover AND she gets paid to enjoy what she’s doing it’s a bonus. To some degree she is in control with no expectation of anything long-term. There is no commitment. While the mental commitment a woman makes when she gives a man sex in hopes of a relationship goes much deeper and quite often less physically satisfying. A woman should expect and require a man to do more sexually, not just feed her, buy gifts, make her a wife and homemaker, bear children, clean up the house, gain weight and grow old and less attractive, and he comes home and does nothing. Many Japanese women look forward to this fantastic lifestyle, while the man gets a girlfriend, who, by the way, doesn’t receive sexual pleasure either. ==================================================== Ansel Simpson is the author of “1001 Butterfly Kisses”: A guidebook for pleasing women, so simple even a man can use it! eBook available in English, Japanese and Chinese. Click here now: http://www.1001kisses.com ==================================================== Attention Ezine Editors and Site Owners, reprint this article in its entirety for free in your ezine or on your site as long as you leave all links in place, do not modify the contents and include our resource box as listed above. ====================================================

"Don't go to bed angry"

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 14:58:03 GMT

I have a philosophy I use in my relationships, "Don't go to bed angry" I explained this philosophy to my girlfriend after we saw a Japanese couple seated next to us at a restaurant where the woman got up and left, apparently angry. We don't know what happened, however, my girlfriend said, "Japanese men don't say, 'I'm sorry'". My philosophy means that I try to look at the situations and arguments that happen in a relationship and ask, "How is 'our' life going to change based on this disagreement or situation?" in nearly all cases the answer is, "Not at all!" Then it's quite easy for me to say, "I'm sorry for ~" which for me means, I'm sorry for the level of stress, confusion, and anger that I have caused. I might still feel that my position is right, IF I am right, then the truth will show itself later and I don't have to say anything. But if I'm wrong, I may need to say, "I'm sorry" again. Life between two people that love each other does not have to be so stressful. Would you like to create more love in your life? Do you have questions about your partner and love? Do you need someone to listen to you? Do you want a better relationship? Would you like to create a plan so you can meet your life’s partner? Contact me for individual (private) or group discussions with your personal group of friends or your professional organization. contact anSel

What Japanese men with status notice about the J-girls Gaijin date

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 21:10:29 GMT

I have a friend who is the Japanese president of a foreign owned men's brand. We've known each other for about six years. One day as we were having a discussion about women’s changing perception of brand in Japan, he suddenly asked, "Can I ask you something? Totally on a different topic?" "Sure" I said, "What's up?" He went on to say, "Our CFO comes to Tokyo several times a year and goes to the gaijin hostess bars in Roppongi. He was here about two weeks ago and one thing I’ve always noticed, the Japanese women the gaijin men date aren't so attractive. Most Japanese men wouldn't date them at all!" Background on my friend, very stylish, met his wife as they were both employed at a woman's fashion brand. He goes on to say, "But not you, let's see the picture of your girlfriend again!" I showed the picture of my girlfriend on my cell phone. He laughs, "I'm jealous, why do you do it? She's my type, I'd go out with her." As I playfully snatch my cell phone from his hands. He goes on to say, "I'd go out with any of your girlfriends." "Yeah, I know you would, you dog! Oh, and it's, ‘How do you do it?’ Not, ‘why’." as we both chuckled. Here's what I told him, Roppongi particularly and Japan generally is a place where foreign men who have had no, little or measured success with women in their native countries can hit home runs with below average Japanese girls just because of their ‘foreignness’. These men will have sex with ANY woman who will allow them to, and for many Japanese women dating a foreigner, especially a Caucasian one is a status symbol thus the ease of sex and dating for many foreign men. I don’t date that kind of woman because she is in a word – STUPID and I avoid Roppongi like the plague. The more intelligent and attractive Japanese girls aren’t generally in Roppongi at the foreign bars and clubs. My sense of fashion matches the sensibility of the more sophisticated girl, which isn't the casual, hip-hop, hippie, gangster, military personnel, starving student, ALT or ‘English teacher at a conversation school’ style. The other important aspect dating outside of, ‘the Japanese woman that a Japanese man wouldn't date’ sphere is not fitting the image of the stereotypical foreign male. What I do isn't so special, but it is deliberate. I've taken the time to study what I want in a woman and I give them what they want in a man, it's not brain surgery. The fact is that most men are just too lazy and are totally undeserving of dating anyone other than, ‘the Japanese woman that a Japanese man wouldn't date’. Would you like to create more love in your life? Do you have questions about your partner and love? Do you need someone to listen to you? Do you want a better relationship? Would you like to create a plan so you can meet your life’s partner? Contact me for individual (private) or group discussions with your personal group of friends or your professional organization. contact anSel

The Romance of Snow

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 02:32:48 GMT

It was snowing!! So romantic to see Tokyo covered in clean, white, fluffy snow! On the train was a young Japanese couple, they were standing, chatting and looking at each like everything was great. The girl wore a pink and red sweater and had a big white smile. At the next stop, two men left their seats on the train and the girl sat down. She gently tapped the seat next to her and looked at her boyfriend for him to sit next to her. The girl had big happy eyes of love. The Japanese boy just looked coldly at her and did not move to sit next to her, he remained standing. The young girl looked down, her eyes closed, her smiled disappeared, her head resting against the back of the train seat. She looked like a sad, hurt, little puppy... At the next stop, she looked up, smiled and tapped the seat again, the boy just looked at her and said nothing. Maybe they had argued, maybe he was angry, but she wanted to be next to him. It was easy to see - they were together. Why do Japanese men miss this chance to show love? He shouldn’t have been so cold and unloving on such a romantic day. Would you like to create more love in your life? Do you have questions about your partner and love? Do you need someone to listen to you? Do you want a better relationship? Would you like to create a plan so you can meet your life’s partner? Contact me for individual (private) or group discussions with your personal group of friends or your professional organization. contact anSel

Japanese Women Looking For Men For Language Exchange

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 14:58:30 GMT

Why do some Japanese women only want men for language exchange? These women say explicitly that they are not looking for relationships, yet they get ‘offended’ when men try to begin a relationship with them. There is absolutely zero logic in only wanting a man for language exchange. Japanese women who are only seeking to improve their English communication skills should find women, or should not complain when men try to start a relationship. Japanese women who only want to learn English from men should go to an eikaiwa! Perhaps Japanese women who seek only men for language exchange partners fantasize about being with a foreign man, but are actually too afraid to make a commitment? Perhaps they go home and masturbate? Are Japanese women so ignorant or naive about what most foreign men want? Don’t call it immature, foreign men are just men and they want sex. Why ask them to change. Likewise, women are women, and men shouldn’t ask women to change either. The truth is that foreign men are more sexual and more open about their sexuality and Japanese women are less sexual and less open about it. That is the reality – both sides should accept it. Don’t be offended when men want more than ‘just conversation’. Foreign men shouldn’t be offended when Japanese women say, “No!” to their relationship advances. Don’t foreign men do their ‘homework’? First, many of the Japanese women that study English are just lonely women with no real need to learn English. They just want to talk, because they feel stifled in some way. This fact can be proven easily. The eikaiwa industry steals money from thousands of Japanese women (and Japanese men) annually. The average eikaiwa customer only speaks English when they travel, is reluctant to speak outside of a classroom, and eikaiwa regularly give away level certificates and know that the customer cannot communicate in English outside of class. Some customers just want to talk, while the instructor just listens (but not really). The instructor knows that a native speaker from another country would find the customer unable to express an opinion, and would be bored. In addition, many customers don’t have the heart for real learning, and just want to be able to say “I’m studying English.” In reality, they are actually doing nothing or wasting time. They may be just lonely people. The fact is eikaiwa are in the money business – only that. Just like the well known internet, construction, and defense companies and architects in Japan - everybody wants to steal from the Japanese consumer. NOVA was not the only bad eikaiwa, many (perhaps most) eikaiwa are bad. Second, sex is less important to Japanese women than western women, it’s just fact. That isn’t saying that Japanese women don’t like sex, they just like it or want it less than western women. Why are foreign men surprised? They have believed what they have seen in the porno movies and magazines - how stupid. The sad truth is that many Japanese women think that by just opening their legs sex will be good for the man and most men(foreign men, too) think that by having a penis sex will be good for the woman – both are wrong! Men and women should study the art of sexual pleasure as much as Japanese women study English The average Japanese woman speaks English to a native speaker less 3 – 5 times a year! That’s less than she has sex, what a waste of hundreds of thousands of yen. If she’s healthy, learning about sex is be more useful as she has sex more often than she speaks English. The more basic point is that foreign men and especially Japanese women should stop wasting each other’s time on language exchange when their actual desires and goals are different. Would you like to create more love in your life? Do you have questions about your partner and love? Do you need someone to listen to you? Do you want a better relationship? Would you like to create a plan so you can meet your life’s partner? Contact me for individual (private) or group discussions with your personal group of friends or your professional organization. contact anSel

The Jealousy of Great Sex

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 15:37:34 GMT

==================================================== The Jealousy of Great Sex © Ansel Simpson - All rights reserved http://www.1001kisses.com ==================================================== Why is it that if a woman obviously enjoys smoking, drinking or eating , it's not really that big of a deal, but if she enjoys sex everybody gasps with such a disgusting glare? How dare she enjoy sex enough to show it! Cigarette smoking can cause cancer, drinking can lead to alcoholism, and overeating to obesity and heart disease. What does too much sex lead to? As a woman, if you are uncomfortable with talking about sex, then maybe you haven't enjoyed it enough- which probably means that you haven't had enough orgasms (or maybe even any at all). However, you shouldn’t be angry at women that do talk about it and enjoy it; maybe you could learn something. Perhaps one reason that many women don't like to talk about sexual topics is because many women don't really enjoy the physical aspect of sex. While they may enjoy the emotional aspect of a man caring about them, they could honestly do without the not-so-satisfactory sexual performance. So, take for example a woman who actually enjoys sex. Others ask “How'd she get so lucky?! Damn! And why not me?” Sadly, many women don't have enough sexual knowledge to even admit to having a 'why not me' feeling. So, to answer how she got lucky? Well, she either met a sensitive, patient and knowledgeable man, or she met a man that was smart enough to realize he needed to be taught, and she taught him. Speaking of which, in order to teach, you must know, and sadly many women don't know what sexual pleasure is. Yes, it may feel good or be great exercise, but wouldn't it be great to have the same intense feeling as a man when he's had an orgasm? Men seem to have orgasms so easily. Well, a knowledgeable woman knows how to please herself first. If you can't please yourself, don't expect a man to. Though pleasing a man is fairly simple, and most woman can attest to that, pleasing a woman takes more time and more variety. There are more differences between women than between men when it comes to pleasurable sex, and a woman must know how to give herself pleasure before she can require it of a man. And she should require it of him. Sex should be more than just the emotional feeling of "He cares for me." He should care enough to please you in the same way he's pleased, and it isn't just emotional either! When he's had his orgasm, he's on the highest of clouds and you should be there with him. As a woman you may need to do some self-discovery in the comfort of your own bedroom. Discover your body so that you can communicate to your lover what makes you feel good. Be patient in the discovery process, because face it, women do take longer to reach orgasm than men. Touch yourself as you would like to be touched. All women are different; men are not so different. Remember this: you can't teach, show, or tell if you yourself don't know. Basically, men are somewhat ignorant about a woman's pleasure, so he needs all the real help he can get. Don't be afraid of the feelings that go through your body! They are perfectly natural and your body doesn't want you to stop. This process is a must if you really want to get the most from your relationship with your partner. Both of you will appreciate sex more if you are satisfied too. And if both of you are enjoying sex, who cares who’s jealous?! They should be learning instead of envying. ==================================================== Ansel Simpson is the author of “1001 Butterfly Kisses”: A guidebook for pleasing women, so simple even a man can use it! eBook available in English, Japanese and Chinese. Click here now: http://www.1001kisses.com ==================================================== Attention Ezine Editors and Site Owners, reprint this article in its entirety for free in your ezine or on your site as long as you leave all links in place, do not modify the contents and include our resource box as listed above. ====================================================

When your man doesn’t know what to say, he means...

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 17:46:20 GMT

I want you to know, when I tell you something, it’s true. It’s not my habit to lie. Yes, I am human, I am a man and ALL humans lie. But, I try not to lie to you. When I say, "I love you", when I say, "You’re beautiful" I say it because it is true! And when I fail you, as I will fail you because I am a man and all men (women too!) fail some time, remember that I am my best when I’m with you. Would you like to create more love in your life? Do you have questions about your partner and love? Do you need someone to listen to you? Do you want a better relationship? Would you like to create a plan so you can meet your life’s partner? Contact me for individual (private) or group discussions with your personal group of friends or your professional organization. contact anSel

A response to a Western man’s thinking of what Japanese women want sexually...

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 02:59:23 GMT

Some men are just stupid! Pornography is usually written by men for men (look at the credits). So, why would a man think that, "Japanese women want their partners to cum on their faces."? Just because a woman "allows" an activity doesn't mean she "enjoys" or “wants” it. It's porn! Don't think she enjoys it; she was most likely paid (most of it is acting) or coerced. Ask your girlfriend if she enjoys (or wants) cum on her face and watch what her body tells you. Look at her eyes and face when she responds; do not listen to her words. I haven't met any women that wants or enjoys cum on her face. Would you like to create more love in your life? Do you have questions about your partner and love? Do you need someone to listen to you? Do you want a better relationship? Would you like to create a plan so you can meet your life’s partner? Contact me for individual (private) or group discussions with your personal group of friends or your professional organization. contact anSel

Stupid Foreign Men Led By Sex!

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 02:38:24 GMT

==================================================== Stupid Foreign Men Led By Sex! © Ansel Simpson - All rights reserved http://www.1001kisses.com ==================================================== Judging by the physical appearance and personality of many foreign men, most of those who marry Japanese women have had few sexual experiences in their native country. Once a foreign man comes to Japan, he "gets lucky" with a Japanese girl, gets "pussy whipped," gets married, and then gripes about the lack of sexual ‘intimacy’ after he realizes she isn't as "interested in sex." One might wonder to what degree the Japanese woman was really intimate or interested in sex at all. A special note for Japanese women reading this and thinking: "Western men just aren't mature," You are 100% wrong! Men are just men, and all over the world, including Japan, they want sex. Here are the facts: women want sex, and men want sex. However, men and women want sex for different reasons. When you check your dictionary (an English dictionary is preferred), you’ll find that different does not equal immature, just as different does not equal, bad. Next, check your dictionary for “mature.” Men are different, women are different, that’s life. It’s difficult for men or women to look at life, or ideas like “mature” in exactly the same way because they are different. There is a possibility that some men and women may understand each other better because we are creatures that think, but the fact is, we are different. For western men married to Japanese women, these are your options: a. Be honest with your Japanese spouse about your sexual desire. b. For those married in “Christian weddings,” remember your marriage vows state “for better or worse.” If this is the “worse” part, then tell her about it. You may have to live with it. Realize that most Japanese people aren't Christians, and that the wedding is a show, entertainment, and has no moral value; this is also true for many Christians. c. Seek counseling together. Let her know your dissatisfaction and don't expect her to change. From limited observation, Japanese women don't often change their sexual attitudes with their western husbands. She might change with counseling, but do not expect it. d. Tell her that you will seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere. e. Get a divorce. For unmarried men reading this, do your homework before you marry a Japanese woman. Expect that your sex life will decline just as statistics indicate. Expect it and don't complain about it. The better option is to talk about your expectations of marriage - before you get married. Then, as two adults you can make a better decision. Before marriage be focused on your Japanese lover's sexual pleasure first, her pleasure before your own, but tell her very straight and direct, “If we get married, I’ll divorce you if our sexual life changes.” If she decides to marry, she knows what your expectations are. Be direct with your Japanese lover before you get married. Japanese women and western men need to study each other’s culture before they marry. Western men have more of a responsibility to study the Japanese culture, because in many cases, the Japanese woman living in Japan won’t bother. A final word, men should look at the sexual statistics about Japan, which quite clearly state that just about every woman in the world has more sex than Japanese. ==================================================== Ansel Simpson is the author of “1001 Butterfly Kisses”: A guidebook for pleasing women, so simple even a man can use it! eBook available in English, Japanese and Chinese. Click here now: http://www.1001kisses.com ==================================================== Attention Ezine Editors and Site Owners, reprint this article in its entirety for free in your ezine or on your site as long as you leave all links in place, do not modify the contents and include our resource box as listed above. ====================================================