How NOT to End a Relationship with a Japanese Woman
It’s always hard to end a relationship, even if you are the one who wants out of it. When you are a Western guy in Japan dating a Japanese woman, the complications often increase – there are cultural differences, language issues and other ways that make breaking up hard to do. However, while there are ways to break up with a Japanese woman that may make it easier for both of you, there are definitely wrong ways to end a relationship.
Do Not Use Technology
Japan is a technology-savvy society, but still…breaking up with a Japanese woman by e-mail, text message, or over the telephone is definitely not the right way to end a relationship. Be a man and tell her face to face, do not wimp out and be a jerk. If you once liked the woman enough to kiss her, have sex with her, date her, then the very least you can do is not be a coward when you break up with her.
Do Not Be Mean
There is no reason to be mean to a woman you are ending a relationship with. Telling her that you really want to date her best friend, or that you no longer find her sexually attractive is being mean. Try just telling her that while you both are great people, you just do not think you belong together. Let her down gently and be kind. You have no right to criticize someone you are ending a relationship with.
Don’t Break Up In Public
By this I mean do not break up with her at a party in front of all of her friends. Try to find a place that is neutral and avoid your favorite restaurants and places where you have memories from the relationship. Don’t make it so public that if she becomes upset she has no way to save face. You owe her that much. (And “saving face” is a very important concept in Japanese culture – even if a woman is getting dumped by her boyfriend, she doesn’t want the rest of the world to know about it. In Japan, this sort of public airing of private matters is considered shameful – on a much deeper level than in Western culture.)
Don’t Tell Her You “Just Want To Be Friends”
Come on guys, that is the oldest break up line there is. You and she both know that you do not want to be friends. The bottom line is you do not want to be with her anymore, so why lie to her and tell her that while she is not good enough to be your girlfriend, she is good enough to be your friend? You both know it is not true, so don’t even say it.
Don’t Have Break-Up Sex
You are ending the relationship. Having sex with her will just serve to remind her of what a great connection you two had and you will find yourself slipping right back into the relationship. Then you will have to break-up with her again. Do you really want to put you and her through that? It is not worth it. Say what you have to say and walk away. Period.
Do Not Start Another Relationship Hoping She Will Discover It
Some guys can’t bring themselves to break up with a woman, so instead they stay in the relationship while pursuing sex with other women on the side. This is a cowardly way out! If you’re a “real man,” you need to know how to end a relationship with honesty and dignity – for both of you.
Don’t Mention Your New Girlfriend
And when you do break up with a woman, do not mention the fact that you’ve found a new relationship. Don’t mention other women at all – it just makes it worse. (Of course, you shouldn’t tell your newly “ex” girlfriend that you’re leaving the dating life to become a monk, either – she probably knows that you’re going to date other women.) When a woman is getting dumped by her boyfriend, the last thing on EARTH that she wants to think about is that man being with another woman. This is not the time or the place for that kind of talk – just end the relationship and get on with your lives.
Have you ever broken up with a woman in a clumsy or ineffective way?
What did you learn from the experience? If you had to do it over again, what would you do differently?
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