Food for a Good Relationship: Bread and Butter
How about a diet of bread and butter? A little fattening, but it sounds yummy, doesn't it? Actually, cinnamon toast is my favorite, with a nice layer of butter across the top. MMmmmmmm. Can't you just see the butter melting down through all those little cracks in the toast? Believe it or not, a good relationship is like bread and butter without the fat. The bread and butter are the two people in a relationship.
Ever notice that when you slice the bread after the butter has melted into it you really can't see where they're separate? The bread and butter have become one. It's impossible to spread the butter everywhere on the bread; in a relationship those are the imperfections, the areas where the butter is missing. Think of the butter as understanding and the bread as some aspect of the relationship. The goal in a growing relationship – and there should be growth or discovery in all relationships – is to have the butter everywhere.
There are many aspects of being together as partners where the guy should be the butter. Let's focus on romance and sex and how guys can be more understanding. My opinion: men, you have a great love life when you as man feel you just can't let go of your partner when you are having sex. You want to be as much a part of her as she feels a part of you. What this means is that you are so intensely involved with her that you can't let her go! Your desire to have an orgasm yourself is gone and you feel you are there only for her pleasure, not your own. You have achieved this when she has had an orgasm and you have chosen not to, but are content knowing that she has. To make this concept easy for men to understand, imagine you're watching a soccer game on TV.
If the game is really good you don't even move or hear your partner when she calls to you! Why? Because you are so involved in the game, you feel like you are right there with the fans or maybe the coach and the players. You are yelling and screaming and clapping at the television. Your involvement with her should be just like that, just that intense. Many men will have a hard time relating to this concept of sex because they are driven by their own desire to have an orgasm instead of pleasing their partner first, themselves second. Women usually get the most attention from their man when he is hungry for sex. Up until then perhaps she has gotten little to no attention.
The perspective of "I want to have sex" needs to change to "I'd like her to feel pleasure", and sex just happens to be another way to do it. Other ways are massages, helping her do things around the house, love notes, asking her about things you know she's interested in. Pleasing her is an everyday affair,not just around the time you want sex! If a man wants to really please his partner before himself, he has to communicate with his partner genuinely. She will tell him if she feels that the questions are from the heart and not from below the waist. This is one aspect of the bread and butter of a relationship. The butter is the man's seeking to understand the bread of his partner's needs and desires. This bread and butter philosophy should be part of every aspect of a relationship, not just the sex.
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