Dating Japanese women with “a past…”
So you have met Ms. Right. You were both at a bookstore and you clumsily bumped into her – a sexy, stylish Japanese woman. Her books fell to the floor and while you were standing up after helping pick up the books, your heads bumped together. Both of you laughed. It’s been a few weeks now, you had a few great dates; you chatted, and walked through the park. You brought her flowers. She told you that none of her Japanese boyfriends had ever bought her flowers. Your first kiss was fantastic and, a rarity among Japanese women, she is open and uninhibited about sex. You were beginning to think she was “the one.”
But the other day, you reached that point in your relationship where things got intimate. Not intimate as in the bedroom, but intimate as in emotionally, over coffee, or on the sofa in your apartment. You started talking, and one thing led to another, and now you have opened up about your pasts. She knows how you broke up with your last girlfriend, and what your most traumatic childhood event was. You shared things like your favorite color, favorite food, and where you first kissed a girl. The conversation was going well until she shared a real bombshell.
She told you she used to abuse drugs. Or that she slept around… until she met you. Or that she is in a lot of debt or is recovering from a gambling problem. Or that she used to work as a hostess at a sleazy club in Kabukicho. Regardless of what it is, this one piece of information is now making you doubt your feelings about this woman and is threatening your relationship.
Up until that point, she was perfect! She was “Ms. Right!” You were having visions of engagement rings and wedding ceremonies and trans-Pacific flights to visit your future children’s Japanese grandparents! But now that you know about her past, you are left wondering if she is really who you thought she was.
It is time for you to think this through. You need to consider just how important this part of her past is to your relationship. First, you need to determine if you have any personal hang-ups about her condition, or weakness, or mistake. Did you grow up being treated poorly because of a parent that was hooked on alcohol or drugs? Did you date a cheater once before, and after she cheated on you, you now have issues with trust? Your first concern is how prepared you are to deal with this new piece of information.
If it turns out that you really have no hang-ups concerning her issue from the past, then you have to determine how this new information affects your current relationship. For instance, if she is a recovering addict, this means that she has identified her weakness and she is dealing with it. You have to be aware there may be setbacks, and that this will cause you to be stronger than other relationships might. I would absolutely say it is worth sticking by her in this situation, as long as she is committed to her health. If she was honest about owning up to her past acts of infidelity (before she met you), then this is a realization on her part that she trusts you and is committed to you.
Now, you should ask yourself: is your Japanese girlfriend’s past life and past mistakes really that important? The differences between Japanese culture and Western culture can make it challenging enough to have successful dating relationships with Japanese women. However, having a relationship with a Japanese woman that is still working to resolve issues from the past makes life more difficult. If you are going to pursue a relationship with a Japanese woman who is still struggling with her past, it’s going to be even more difficult for your relationship to succeed. Keep this in mind, and go in with your eyes open.
Above all, remember who you are and stay focused on what is important to you. Whether you decide to keep dating “Ms. Right” or not, make your decisions based on what you want in life and what your priorities are for your relationships. You shouldn’t break up with a woman just because she has “a past.” We all have “a past” – you do too. But be careful that the past does not interfere with your present relationship. If you have serious concerns about a woman’s ability to move forward in her life (and with you), then it might be best for both of you to end the relationship.
Have you ever had a bombshell dropped on you by a Japanese woman? What was it?
What is a “deal breaker” for you in your relationships with Japanese women?
