Articles

To Japanese Men: Take the Good, Leave the Bad and the Ugly

The email below is from a Japanese woman, continuing education student, at a university in Tokyo.

The question was, “Why is Japan a paradise for American men?”

Hi Ansel,

I thought about the reason that Japan is paradise for American men. It’s not only American but also for western men. I used to want to marry to a foreigner when I was around twenty.

Here are the reasons that I wanted to marry foreigner. I guess many Japanese girls just like me. Even they only want to date.

1. Having American boyfriend is the easiest way to improve my English.

2. International marriage or having American boyfriend sounds cool.

3. I was disappointed in Japanese men.

4. I wanted to have different life from my friends.

5. I dreamed about living abroad rest of my life.

I don’t know why I dreamed about it, because I didn’t have any American friends. Of course, I didn’t know what American think and feel. However, I had ideas of American men that I got from movies.

1. They seem to love their family more than Japanese men do.

a) Because Japanese men never say I love you.

b) Japanese work over time everyday so they don’t enough time to spend time with their family.

2. They are assertive, Japanese men aren’t.

a) I hate a man that acts like girls.

3. They are much better looking than Japanese.

4. They are tough guy but Japanese men look weak.

Finally, I realized that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence.
Seeing Japanese men is very comfortable and they are also sweet!

Have a good night.

H.T.

Her email mirrors the sentiment of many Japanese women and perhaps even most Japanese women at some point in their lives. The love affair with the American movie star image of a tall Caucasian man, with blond hair and blue eyes, is the fresh off the plane, at Narita airport, American man’s ticket for easy sex with many Japanese women. It’s quite laughable to see, as many of the American males of the mixed couples I’ve seen would be considered average or below in the States. But, in Japan they are near gods, and for at least a moment in time, the Japanese girl has her ‘white man’, her status symbol, much like her Louis Vuitton handbag, and the American man has his Japanese ‘subservient’ woman and sex slave.

What Japanese men should do is take the good. Spend more time with your family, wife or girlfriend. Remember, if you die, your employer will have your positioned filled quickly, your boss doesn’t love you, he may need you, but he doesn’t love you, you can be replaced.

Women need to be assured that they’re loved, they need to hear the words. If you do love her say, “I love you.” sometimes, you won’t die.

Realize that the world of your fathers is changing and leave the bad and the ugly. For starters, Japanese advertising agencies should stop marketing white people generally and white men particularly as being ‘so cool’. From the eikaiwa industry to new home sales white men and their pearly white teeth are everywhere for the Japanese woman to long for wistfully. The population of white foreigners in Japan is so small there’s no logical reason for such media prominence. Even some Japanese men think American men are cool – how stupid! Who can blame a Japanese woman for wanting a white man when even Japanese men think they are cool.

Be more assertive, take chances, there is no reward without risk. The same is true in business, there would be no great Japanese corporations if no one hadn’t risked.

A woman once told me, “Japanese men don’t say they’re sorry.” Don’t let pride get in the way of being wrong. Being wrong is not the end of the world and saying you’re sorry opens the doors to forgetfulness and forgiveness much faster. Learn to say you are sorry.

While sitting at dinner with a young Japanese couple the man said, “It’s one thing to catch a fish, you still have to feed it.” I was clueless as to what he meant. He said in a relationship the man has to continue to care for the woman once he has her. I would add that a man has to feed her not only what keeps her alive, but also what makes her happy. Just as human beings nourishment needs are different from that of a fish, so are a man’s needs different from a woman’s. Realizing, discovering and serving these needs make for a great relationship.

Would you like to create more love in your life?
Do you have questions about your partner and love?
Do you need someone to listen to you?
Do you want a better relationship?
Would you like to create a plan so you can meet your life’s partner?
Contact me for individual (private) or group discussions with your personal group of friends or your professional organization. contact anSel

"Don't go to bed angry"

I have a philosophy I use in my relationships, “Don’t go to bed angry”
I explained this philosophy to my girlfriend after we saw a Japanese couple seated next to us at a restaurant where the woman got up and left, apparently angry. We don’t know what happened, however, my girlfriend said, “Japanese men don’t say, ‘I’m sorry’”.

My philosophy means that I try to look at the situations and arguments that happen in a relationship and ask, “How is ‘our’ life going to change based on this disagreement or situation?” in nearly all cases the answer is, “Not at all!”

Then it’s quite easy for me to say, “I’m sorry for ~” which for me means, I’m sorry for the level of stress, confusion, and anger that I have caused.

I might still feel that my position is right, IF I am right, then the truth will show itself later and I don’t have to say anything. But if I’m wrong, I may need to say, “I’m sorry” again.

Life between two people that love each other does not have to be so stressful.

Would you like to create more love in your life?
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What Japanese men with status notice about the J-girls Gaijin date

I have a friend who is the Japanese president of a foreign owned men’s brand.  We’ve known each other for about six years.

One day as we were having a discussion about women’s changing perception of brand in Japan, he suddenly asked, “Can I ask you something?  Totally on a different topic?” “Sure” I said, “What’s up?”

He went on to say, “Our CFO comes to Tokyo several times a year and goes to the gaijin hostess bars in Roppongi. He was here about two weeks ago and one thing I’ve always noticed, the Japanese women the gaijin men date aren’t so attractive.  Most Japanese men wouldn’t date them at all!” Background on my friend, very stylish, met his wife as they were both employed at a woman’s fashion brand. He goes on to say, “But not you, let’s see the picture of your girlfriend again!” I showed the picture of my girlfriend on my cell phone.  He laughs, “I’m jealous, why do you do it?  She’s my type, I’d go out with her.” As I playfully snatch my cell phone from his hands.  He goes on to say, “I’d go out with any of your girlfriends.” “Yeah, I know you would, you dog!  Oh, and it’s, ‘How do you do it?’ Not, ‘why’.” as we both chuckled.

Here’s what I told him, Roppongi particularly and Japan generally is a place where foreign men who have had no, little or measured success with women in their native countries can hit home runs with below average Japanese girls just because of their ‘foreignness’.  These men will have sex with ANY woman who will allow them to, and for many Japanese women dating a foreigner, especially a Caucasian one is a status symbol thus the ease of sex and dating for many foreign men.

I don’t date that kind of woman because she is in a word – STUPID and I avoid Roppongi like the plague.  The more intelligent and attractive Japanese girls aren’t generally in Roppongi at the foreign bars and clubs. My sense of fashion matches the sensibility of the more sophisticated girl, which isn’t the casual, hip-hop, hippie, gangster, military personnel, starving student, ALT or ‘English teacher at a conversation school’ style.

The other important aspect dating outside of, ‘the Japanese woman that a Japanese man wouldn’t date’ sphere is not fitting the image of the stereotypical foreign male.  What I do isn’t so special, but it is deliberate. I’ve taken the time to study what I want in a woman and I give them what they want in a man, it’s not brain surgery. 

The fact is that most men are just too lazy and are totally undeserving of dating anyone other than, ‘the Japanese woman that a Japanese man wouldn’t date’.

Would you like to create more love in your life?
Do you have questions about your partner and love?
Do you need someone to listen to you?
Do you want a better relationship?
Would you like to create a plan so you can meet your life’s partner?
Contact me for individual (private) or group discussions with your personal group of friends or your professional organization. contact anSel

The Romance of Snow

It was snowing!! So romantic to see Tokyo covered in clean, white, fluffy snow!

On the train was a young Japanese couple, they were standing, chatting and looking at each like everything was great. The girl wore a pink and red sweater and had a big white smile.

At the next stop, two men left their seats on the train and the girl sat down. She gently tapped the seat next to her and looked at her boyfriend for him to sit next to her. The girl had big happy eyes of love. The Japanese boy just looked coldly at her and did not move to sit next to her, he remained standing.

The young girl looked down, her eyes closed, her smiled disappeared, her head resting against the back of the train seat. She looked like a sad, hurt, little puppy… At the next stop, she looked up, smiled and tapped the seat again, the boy just looked at her and said nothing.

Maybe they had argued, maybe he was angry, but she wanted to be next to him. It was easy to see - they were together. Why do Japanese men miss this chance to show love? 

He shouldn’t have been so cold and unloving on such a romantic day.

Would you like to create more love in your life?
Do you have questions about your partner and love?
Do you need someone to listen to you?
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When your man doesn’t know what to say, he means...

I want you to know, when I tell you something, it’s true. It’s not my habit to lie. Yes, I am human, I am a man and ALL humans lie. But, I try not to lie to you. When I say, “I love you”, when I say, “You’re beautiful” I say it because it is true! And when I fail you, as I will fail you because I am a man and all men (women too!) fail some time, remember that I am my best when I’m with you.

Would you like to create more love in your life?
Do you have questions about your partner and love?
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A response to a Western man’s thinking of what Japanese women want sexually...

Some men are just stupid! Pornography is usually written by men for men (look at the credits).  So, why would a man think that, “Japanese women want their partners to c** on their faces.”? Just because a woman “allows” an activity doesn’t mean she “enjoys” or “wants” it. It’s porn! Don’t think she enjoys it; she was most likely paid (most of it is acting) or coerced. Ask your girlfriend if she enjoys (or wants) c** on her face and watch what her body tells you. Look at her eyes and face when she responds; do not listen to her words. I haven’t met any women that wants or enjoys c** on her face.

Would you like to create more love in your life?
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An email chat, I was asked, “You still think marriage is the greatest thing?”

Yes. I was married once(for seven years), still think it’s great, if sex is good for both of us. Sex was never an issue when I was married because I made sure she was sexually satisfied. She was surprised that I could usually make her c** once or twice before me. I studied, so no surprise for me. It wasn’t luck.

Marriage is great because I prefer to give my sexual and mental attention to one woman.

However, living in Japan and having a great sexual relationship difficult. One problem is distance. In America we have cars and live alone so couples can see each other often. But in Japan girls live with their parents and have to go home before the last train or parents will worry.

The other problem is that many Japanese women aren’t good at sex. This is mostly the fault of Japanese men because the men are sexually selfish. But Japanese women share the responsibility and should discover for themselves what satisfies them sexually. I have discovered that almost every Japanese woman who has experienced cumming(orgasm) wants the feeling again, it’s like a drug. Good sex for a women reduces stress.

But for a sexual non-Japanese man, the living arrangements, transportation and the lack of sexual experience almost forces men to have several women.

Would you like to create more love in your life?
Do you have questions about your partner and love?
Do you need someone to listen to you?
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Contact me for individual (private) or group discussions with your personal group of friends or your professional organization. contact anSel

Japanese women who only date foreigners…

Japanese women who say they ONLY date foreign men are foolish and in many instances are the women that many Japanese men wouldn’t date themselves.

I have dated them on occasion and I find that many of them are quite mean, angry and unhappy Japanese women. Those relationships didn’t last long.

Men are men, and in every culture there are unselfish one’s and selfish one’s. The same is true with women. Put aside facial features, consider people as individuals and be open to what you may learn from who they are inside.

A non-Japanese woman once said, “I would never date a Japanese man!” Then I asked her to describe the kind of men she liked. She described ‘her type’. “Is it possible that a Japanese man could have those qualities?” I asked. She smiled and said, “Yes”. Never say what you would never do. After thinking a bit, she named a Japanese man(not famous) that she would date.

Would you like to create more love in your life?
Do you have questions about your partner and love?
Do you need someone to listen to you?
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Contact me for individual (private) or group discussions with your personal group of friends or your professional organization. contact anSel

The Deception of “Good Looks”

Women whom a large number of men and women think are attractive are many times very poor at expressing themselves sexually.

Their poor sexual expression isn’t entirely their fault.  Attractive women are chased by men and admired or envied by women. They are objects d’art and treated as things. The men who date or marry them are so excited to have a ‘trophy’ to display to friends and family and her genuine sexual pleasure may not be so important. These ‘attractive’ women are sexually malnourished, having not been fed by greedy men who wish to only satisfy themselves. And many of these women haven’t even explored for themselves the joy and relaxation that sexual pleasure brings.

Life is a little sad for them, these women don’t feel comfortable just being natural, just being themselves, for they feel they are always on display to the world. The label of ‘attractive’ plus the cover of fashion and make-up masks the sexual freedom that could be.
Would you like to create more love in your life?
Do you have questions about your partner and love?
Do you need someone to listen to you?
Do you want a better relationship?
Would you like to create a plan so you can meet your life’s partner?
Contact me for individual (private) or group discussions with your personal group of friends or your professional organization. contact anSel

Style is important to me.

Perhaps I’m a little strange. When I look at a woman, the first thing I notice is how she’s dressed. Do I ike her fashion sense? If I like her style then I try to look at her hands and feet(if she has open toed shoes or sandals on). Then I notice her weight and face. I’m flexible on almost everything except fashion sense and good personality.

Sense of style and personality are important because they tell me what a girl thinks of herself. We all become less attractive or even ugly as we get older, but fashion sense and personality don’t change as much. Plus, if the woman’s fashion sense matches mine we’ll have better sex.

Would you like to create more love in your life?
Do you have questions about your partner and love?
Do you need someone to listen to you?
Do you want a better relationship?
Would you like to create a plan so you can meet your life’s partner?
Contact me for individual (private) or group discussions with your personal group of friends or your professional organization. contact anSel