A Critical Look At A Relationship – The Med Student
When doing research for these articles I noticed that nowhere was a relationship dissected, from start to finish, for others to see the advice put into action. I have chosen seven of my relationships to dissect in hopes that you will gain from my successes and learn from my failures. This article is part 2 of 7.
Relationship length: A little over a year
Japanese level: Basic Conversation. I used some Japanese but her English was already good.
Length of time in Japan before First Date: About 1 1/2 years
The Pre-Meeting:
I caught the same train every morning. The train was practically empty when I got on and filled up 5 stops later. Two stops before the train got crowded an attractive woman would get on. Most of the times she got in the same train car as me and I would notice the times she didn't. It took me about 2 months to work up my courage.
The Meeting:
She was sitting in one booth with an elderly man (who I know wasn't with her). Four people can sit in those booths and the train would fill up in two more stops. I was sitting in another booth, alone. I got up and walked to her and said "Konnichiwa". It was very obvious that I got up for this express purpose. She smiled and answered back. I then asked, "May I sit here" in Japanese. I'm sure the old man was laughing inside. She was very polite and said OK. She then continued reading her book.
As the train filled up I was thinking if I should start up a conversation but decided against it. Can you imagine how long that train ride was? As she got up to get off, I said "Bye". She smiled and said "Bye" and she left.
The next day she did not get in my car and I thought that was that.
The day after that, though, she did get in my car. She was sitting alone this time. I got up and said "Konnichiwa". She smiled and did a gesture for me to sit down. Instead of burying her head into a book, she struck up a conversation. The typical "Where are you from?" questions. My response to those is to always fire back the same question. She asked how old I was and after I answered I asked her the same. Her response, "Guess". Now, you could honestly try to guess or, you could do what I did and overshoot to the point of the absurd. My answer: “I'd say you are 53 years old but you look very good for your age.”
She smiled and play hit me with one of her books. That was the "ice breaker" that allowed me to ask her on a date.
The Relationship:
I fell in love with her. The sex was good, although she was a bit reserved at the beginning. The difference was the emotional commitment I didn't have with my first relationship and, because of this commitment, we enjoyed each other physically as well as emotionally.
The End:
She was a med student and her studying started to take over our relationship. At first I understood and did my best to adapt. When she moved to Tokyo (about an hour and a half train ride from where I lived) our relationship was all but dead. It was a funny end. Slowly dying but not in an apathetic way, more like a shift in priorities, or maybe the relationship was the shift in her priorities and she was just returning back to her original goal.
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