“Text for success” with Japanese women
Cell phone communication is becoming the most important way for people to stay in touch – and it’s gotten to the point where texting is king, so to speak. You will rarely see Japanese people actually talking on their cell phones. Instead, on every Tokyo train platform, inside every café, you will see people silently tapping out messages on their cell phones.
Japan has been far ahead of the West in the development and widespread adoption of cell phone technology, and e-mail via cell phone plays a vital role in most Japanese dating relationships. Text messaging or cell phone e-mail can be one of the best ways to create a “comfortable” feeling with Japanese women. And if you know how to use text messaging properly, there are special English words and phrases that can create certain images that you want your Japanese girl to picture in her mind.
Just as with all other ways of communication, there are unspoken rules for messaging your potential Japanese lover via cell phone. These rules are going to vary a bit depending on the individual woman involved, but if you understand the basic guidelines for the method, you will have success using text messaging to communicate with Japanese women that you are interested in dating.
Text messaging is great for breaking the ice. You no longer have to debate how long you should wait before calling the woman you went out with last night. A text message can let her know you are thinking about her, and had a great time, without bothering her too much, or making it so the two of you have to have a long conversation. The text message is a casual form of communication – it’s less invasive than a phone call, you don’t have to interrupt her day, she can read it when she wants to. But take care not to appear needy or desperate – don’t send five text messages per hour. Don’t send repeated text messages saying “Are you there?” Texting is a great way of putting the idea out there to show a woman that you are still interested in her after the first date, but your use of texting also needs to be selective. Your use of text messaging should show this woman that you are a busy guy with an active life, and that you are not putting her in front of all the other things in your life just yet.
Another rule of text messaging is an easy one: Do not end a relationship via text message. This is really bad – especially if you’re dating a Japanese woman. Text messages are supposed to be casual and upbeat when you are sending them to a Japanese woman you are dating. Even if you haven’t gone on a lot of dates with a woman, if you decide that things aren’t working out with the relationship, it is still important to call her, or better yet, meet with her in person to break the news. Sending a text message with bad news is not a nice thing to do. Own up to your responsibility for ending the relationship – it’s not always easy, but it’s part of being a man. And remember – if you do something lame like break up with a Japanese woman via text message, that’s going to give her a bad impression of foreign guys.
Lastly, watch out for the impulsiveness of text messaging. If you’re not careful, your emotions might lead you to make poor decisions when writing and sending text messages. Always review the text message before you send it. Don’t send angry messages. Don’t send depressing messages. Keep your text messages upbeat – don’t talk about your bad day at work, your stupid boss, or something annoying that happened on the train. If you would not say something to a woman if she were standing right in front of you, do not send it to her in a text.
For instance, if you have recently starting dating a new Japanese woman and you don’t know her very well yet, and you are out with friends, drinking and having a good time, do not come home drunk late at night and send this new girl a sexy text message. If your relationship hasn’t progressed to that point already, you don’t want to go there via text. If you would not do it in person, there is no reason to text it. If a Japanese woman gets an inappropriate text message from you, she will judge you because of that.
Another common mistake that guys make in Japan is “oversharing.” Text messaging is not therapy. There are certain things that you should keep to yourself. If you’re feeling homesick for your home country, or if you’re having a bad day, or if you’re generally feeling down, these are not good items to include in a text message to a Japanese woman – especially a Japanese woman that you want to date!
So remember: text messaging can make things run smoother with your dating life. It’s a great tool to break the ice and build comfort with Japanese women – especially early in the relationship. But don’t over-do it, don’t over-share, and don’t be stupid about the messages that you send. This is how you can “text for success” with Japanese women.
What’s the best (or worst) text message you’ve ever received from a Japanese woman?
What are some of the best lines you’ve used via cell phone to help build comfort with a new Japanese date?
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